Is that a genetically enhanced super mutant soldier ravaging my leg? Or are you just happy to see me?14:55 Jun 26 2009
Times Read: 667
The first few points I would like to cover here are this.
Allow me to put them in dot-point form for you.
• Uwe Boll is a talentless cum-quaffer who should have been forcibly drowned in his own placenta at birth.
That is all...
But more to the point of this thread.
Now, I remember many years ago when I was waiting eagerly for the game known as "Farcry".
Yes, the original.
I would keep an eye on release dates, I would watch trailers and swoon over the physics engine.
Yes, that's right... This was back when pre-determined animations on things like character deaths and shit were finally being phased out for what we all know and love as the Rag-Doll effect most commonly bought to us by Havok Physics.
And yes, the game has it's flaws as everything does.
It was no masterpiece.
But come on, a guy blowing the shit out of an entire island wearing a combat vest and a bright red Hawaiian shirt?
You can't top that shit. It's just awesome.
So when I heard news a couple years ago about a Farcry movie, a little part of me died inside...
Tho not confirmed, I knew it was going to be Uwe Boll...
Low and behold, it was.
And yes, I watched this mess of a movie the other day.
His idea of spooky directing is running a camera along the ground at high speeds making wheezing noises that you'd probably hear from your almost dead grandmother while she drinks her wine hoping you'll die before her.
In effect, it's not really scary... It just inspires great pity.
OH... But yes, that was all just the opening scene.
He believes by adding people that talk with high-pitched obnoxious voices while dragging out their syllables makes for "comical value".
All it made me do is want to punch someone in the throat.
And then there was the love scene.
2 people who hadn't met but 10mins ago after a really horrible scene of unfortunate events from helicopters, fumbled grenades, bad dialogue and a huge desire to want to skull fuck my self in the face with a chainsaw before watching another second of this movie.
Anyway, so there they are... Cold, wet, strangers...
Terribly cliche music rolls in the background from something you'd hear from your Internet Service Provider when you call up and they put you on fucking hold.
The 2 protagonists are shivering under a not-so-warm blanket while naked (apparently due to drying clothes)
The words are muttered: "...In the military, we use to use each others body warmth to keep from freezing to death"
This for some reason completely un-fucking-beknowns to me, sends her into a fit of passion.
Tho, all the while they were kissing away... I swear she looked like the director had a gun to her head saying "KISS IT!!!".
By this point, movie has been turned off, I'm gone to have a smoke while cursing to the point I could make sailors blush.
But anyway, the ranting is over... I hope you didn't want that 15mins or so of your life.
Cause you can't unread this now.
To sum it up tho.
Uwe Boll needs to stop raping the gaming industry with his shit movies.
Here are some titles, if you've seen them, you'll know what i'm talking about.
If you like them, please... Microwave your genitals... I don't want you to risk infecting anyone else.
• Alone in the Dark
• Bloodrayne
• Postal
• Dungeon Siege
Few other fuck-ups and more to come according to IMDB.
I hate you, Boll... You fucking moron.
COMMENTS
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AzriellaRipley
23:17 Jun 26 2009
Yea Bloodrayne pissed me off too, I thought I was the only one.
Valarie
04:50 Jul 06 2009
I have never even heard of this dude and he sux!